Words about videogames.
At first, I thought a ninja cat would be a cute idea. But the more I look at this picture, the more uncomfortable I get. Hold me.
Hey crazy cats (or should I say ninja cats? LORF I JUST DID A LAME LOL, LOLOLOL), issue 10 of PixelHunt is out and I’ve got a review in there. It’s free to download and view at your leisure, so do check it out when you get a moment and some bandwidth. Below is the full, unedited review.
It are ONE MIRRION PRINNIES! And by that, I mean four.
My friend Matty has a copy of Tekken at his house — I’m not sure which version it is; we always just call it “Tekken” because none of us really care enough to take note of the number. Let’s just pretend it’s Tekken 4. Anyway, every time we go over to his place to play on his PlayStation 2, we each choose a character and stick with it. I always choose the lady who kind of waves her crotch in front of everyone before grabbing her opponents with her legs and thrusting her crotch into their faces. Button-mashing with her tends to lead to victory, although Matty has assured me that he and my other friend, Morgan, have gotten really good at Tekken since the last time we played together and they can now both beat my crotch-thrusting, button-mashing ways. We’ll see.
How is any of this relevant? Well, issue #191 of Hyper is on sale soon — it’s the issue that has some dude from Tekken 6 on the cover! — which means I can now post my reviews from the previous issue on the internet. Here is my review of Prinny. You might like to read it, and then go buy the issue of Hyper with the Tekken dude on the cover, and then remember that the best way to win is to crotch-thrust like it’s nobody’s business, because it ain’t.
In an attempt to save money, I recently took part in a games swap. My colleague and I brought in our Nintendo DS games and traded them (temporarily) so that we could play as many games as possible while paying as little money as possible. I lent him Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney; he lent me Naruto: Ninja Destiny.
My guess would be that the game was made for hardcore Naruto fans, because none of it made sense to me. It was a fighting game, that much I gathered, but why were these ninjas fighting each other? Why was the girl ninja taunting the boy ninja? Why were they talking about some master I had never heard of before and defending their honour against some other person who I had, again, never heard of before? Was I meant to have watched the anime series or read the manga before playing the game?? If so, that’s really lame.
Confusing plot (or lack of) aside, this isn’t a game of skill as much as it’s a game of button mashing. There are standard jump, kick and punch buttons, but combos tend to come at random intervals through no effort of the player. It was very much a case of ‘mash-mash-mash-COMBO WTF HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!-mash-mash-mash’. When I tried to repeat certain mashing patterns to get the combos back, all I got was Naruto doing some useless backward fly-kick, which was pretty annoying, considering my opponent was in front of me and not behind me.
Come to think of it, even hardcore Naruto fans have higher standards than this, because Naruto: Ninja Destiny is a really shit game. Never trade anyone for it and sure as hell don’t pay money for it.
