Words about videogames.
Here’s an old bit of news that was once new at the time it went to print. I really should follow-up on it to see if anything has changed, but first I need to stop distracting myself and write my essays. Hit the jump for the article I wrote for issue #192 of the ever lovely Hyper magazine. Issue #194 is on-sale RIGHT NOW. I’m sure this piece of information will excite many of your in the general pants region.
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Continue reading ‘WORK: Hyper News – NZ Gamers Get The Short End Of The Straw’
Not pictured: me eating the cake.
Initially, I was going to write a review of Darren and Amanda’s wedding.
“Hey!” I thought to myself as I stuffed my cake hole with delicious…err…cake. “Since Darren is a games writer and reviewer and Amanda plays games and I, too, play games, you know what would be REALLY clever? A REVIEW OF THEIR WEDDING LOLOLOL!”
Yeah, I was pretty chuffed with myself. So much so that I rewarded myself with more cake. Om nom nom.
But then it hit me – this isn’t a game. This is real life. Heck, this is their real life. Am I really going to treat the lives of these two lovely individuals — whose love is more real than any fuck-tonne of pixels could ever be — as a game? Is this what their marriage is to me? A friggin’ videogame judged by visuals, sound, cake, and gameplay?
After much chin-stroking and contemplation about this ‘real life’ business, as well as the marriage of Daz and Da (who are the sweetest couple you will ever meet), I had an answer. YES!
So here’s my first wedding review.
I was originally going to use a photo of myself from when I was 15-years old and playing videogames at my friend's house. It then occurred to me that I looked like an emaciated sweatshop child who'd been dropped as a baby. So here's a picture of a cute blonde girl trying to clap her hands during some maths game.
I remember the best way to pique my interest as a child was to show me people having fun while they were doing something.
I started writing in primary school because I saw that my friends were having so much fun writing their own little novellas; I took up the violin because the virtuosos I saw on television always looked like they were having a lot of fun while playing, and it’s the same reason why I started playing videogames. One day I saw my older brother playing with our Famicom, he looked like he was having fun, so I wanted to have a go, too. And as I kept playing, the more he kept handing down games to me that he’d exhausted, and the more my friends would start lending me the games that they had enormous amounts of fun playing. So I got to play the games that they loved – the games that were special to them.
Years on from when I played my first game, wrote my first story, and played my first hideously squeaky note on the violin, my interest in anything can still be piqued in the same way. Show me that something is fun and enjoyable and I might just give it a go. And so it came as a surprise to me when IGN AU published this article a few days ago, detailing ways in which a gamer can get his lady friend interested in videogames.
No, scrap that. I wasn’t surprised. I was appalled. I felt like I was reading a guide from the 1940s on how to welcome women into the workforce, and by the end of it I was expecting a dot point suggesting: “Girls like to maintain their appearance, so make sure you encourage your lady to have breaks while she’s gaming so that she can moisturise her hands – she wouldn’t appreciate having her thumbs callused by the D-Pad!” Thankfully, such a dot point did not exist, but the ones that did exist were pretty darn patronising.
I like to think that girls have taste and a brain. I like to think that they can be moved by a story that is told well, engaged by gameplay that is mesmerising, laugh at humour within a game that is well constructed and executed, and become attached to vast virtual worlds that intrigue and offer the possibilities of adventure and exploration. And I like to think that any girl – or any person for that matter – can become interested in videogames if they are introduced to a good one.
So maybe if we want to get girls involved, we should show them something fun. Maybe we should start off by sharing the games that we love; the kind of games that stimulate our minds and take our imagination to places we’d normally struggle to dream up. Maybe, instead of coming up with a list of ten ways to patronise women and make them feel as though they’re incapable of understanding the kind of gaming that doesn’t require waggling, we should just show them how much fun we have playing great games, and then give them a go. They might appreciate it. I know I did.
Further down, in a picture that got cut out when I photographed this page, there’s a guy wearing an old-man-beret-ish-type hat. He looks like a tosser. I think this is worthy of note.
Hey Kate, they weren’t breathing down the necks of girls because they’re not used to being around the ladeez. They were just trying to absorb the other guests’ T-Energy.
Racism is really bad in the areas marked by the flags. It's also pretty bad in areas that aren't marked by the flags.
This review was published in issue 9 of Pixel Hunt, an online magazine put together by my freelance colleagues.
By-line: Tracey Lien is as unAustralian as they come, except for the part where she’s a citizen.
An open letter/review to Buzz! Brain of Oz.
Dear Buzz! Brain of Oz,
I understand that the franchise you’re a part of has sold squillions of copies around the world, and that you’re a big hit at parties. I understand that many families love you to bits, that friends have bonded over the questions you’ve thrown at them, and that you’ve brought mother, father, grandparents, and children together so that they can bicker and argue over the batting average of Sir Donald Bradman (at least, that’s what you did for my ex’s family and, FYI, it ended in tears). Look, I get that you’re a big deal, and I can appreciate you for what you are. But by golly, Brain of Oz really sucked.
Charles Martinet and I in the GG office. Giant question mark proudly brought to you by rad production coordinators who work within the ABC. Neato Mario brooch by some lady with big, red curly hair who I once met outside of Sydney. She was making bibs or something.
Ohai, internets! It has been a while since I last updated, and with good reason! You see, maintaining a blog is a bit like using Tamilee Webb’s Abs Of Steel (from the same series as Buns Of Steel, but with an abdominal focus). The moment you take even the shortest of breaks from doing it, it becomes too easy to not do it, and before you know it you’ve left so much time in between steely workout sessions that you become intimidated by the workout itself and are scared to go back to it. So here I am with abs no steelier than before and a blog that hasn’t been updated in weeks. But whatever. LIKE ANYONE CARES.
So, aside from not doing Abs Of Steel or updating Zero Light Seeds, what have I been doing? Well, I’m glad you asked, Internets! I’ve been fulfilling my role as news editor at Hyper magazine, writing for a few other publications (there’s a Pixel Hunt review that I’ll post soon, as well as a review for Official Nintendo which I’ll post when the magazine comes out), interning, enrolling in French boot camp (I’m serious), drawing cars with faces on them (also serious), and interviewing the likes of Charles Martinet, the voice behind Mario, Luigi, Wario, and a squillion other videogame characters. He was heaps rad – perhaps one of the sweetest, most energetic, funny, and lively people I have interviewed for Good Game, or any outlet for that matter.
Anyway, this update was just to let you all know that the blog is still alive and I still have abs of flab. Because you all care, of course*.
*Not really. I apologise for the interruption. Please go back to your regular lives and I’ll ring a cow bell to get your attention when I think I’ve got something amusing to say.
It are ONE MIRRION PRINNIES! And by that, I mean four.
My friend Matty has a copy of Tekken at his house — I’m not sure which version it is; we always just call it “Tekken” because none of us really care enough to take note of the number. Let’s just pretend it’s Tekken 4. Anyway, every time we go over to his place to play on his PlayStation 2, we each choose a character and stick with it. I always choose the lady who kind of waves her crotch in front of everyone before grabbing her opponents with her legs and thrusting her crotch into their faces. Button-mashing with her tends to lead to victory, although Matty has assured me that he and my other friend, Morgan, have gotten really good at Tekken since the last time we played together and they can now both beat my crotch-thrusting, button-mashing ways. We’ll see.
How is any of this relevant? Well, issue #191 of Hyper is on sale soon — it’s the issue that has some dude from Tekken 6 on the cover! — which means I can now post my reviews from the previous issue on the internet. Here is my review of Prinny. You might like to read it, and then go buy the issue of Hyper with the Tekken dude on the cover, and then remember that the best way to win is to crotch-thrust like it’s nobody’s business, because it ain’t.
Our piñata travelled by plane to get all the way to Western Australia! No, wait, I mean WASHINGTON. Yes, Washington! Initially, I was going to use an image from Snakes On A Plane, but then I Google-imaged it and, on the first page, there was a picture of a woman getting her nipple bitten off by a snake. So I freaked out a bit, closed the window, and decided to go with a stock image of an adorable aeroplane.
Hey guys, Colombo (the LocoRoco piñata) has arrived in Washington! Here’s a slightly abridged version of the email exchange I had with our winner, ShMerker:
Hi Josh,
Not sure if you read my post on this, but you’ve won the LocoRoco piñata! At first I thought the Boomer idea was crazy because SIF I CAN MAKE A BOOMER PIÑATA, but then I figured, ‘why not?’. So I’m gonna try and make one.
If you could provide me with your mailing address, I’ll package the piñata and mail it off to you within the next fortnight-ish.
Cheers,
Tracey
Many weeks and a trip to the post office later, I get this email:
Just received it in the mail. It’s even more adorable in person. Thanks again for sending some awesomeness to an internet stranger. I’m not sure I can bear to destroy this guy, now that I see him up close. I suddenly understand why people are always blindfolded when they murder pinatas. Will I regret not discovering whatever it is you’ve filled this guy with? A simple yes/no will suffice, I don’t want any surprise spoiled.
Also, I took some photos of it in it’s new home: Here it is hanging over my desk. And here it is playing Geometry Wars with me. He isn’t very good at it.
- It’s Colombo playing Geometry Wars! Wowzers in mah trousers!
Awwwwwww!
OH YEAH WATCH ME FONDLE THIS! BIG SMILE AS I FONDLE!
As I was playing this in the living room, my brother walked in, took one look at the TV screen, and the following conversation ensued:
Him: “…What…what the fuck is that?”
Me: “Cooking Mama 2, something something on Wii”
Him: “…Why?”
Me: “Review.”
Him: “Sucker.”
Yeah, whatever. Now I’m gonna get back into the kitchen to bake some cookies and then I’m going to play some pet sims on my pink DS, yeah? YEAH.
Working with kids* has taught me how to smother things really well. *I'm joking. I don't actually work WITH children. I just write for them. Sometimes.
I went on a postal adventure! (Not to be confused with “Going Postal” — I am far too well-tempered a person to shoot my colleagues in the face.)
A while ago Jeremy Pencil and I made LocoRoco piñatas and we decided to give one away to the person who suggested the best gaming ‘thing’ that we should base our next piñata on. We both knew at the time that the piñata, once filled with delicious sweets, would not be a light object and that postage would cost a bit. “Like anyone outside of Australia would enter our silly little competition!”, Mr. Pencil said, rubbing his belly heartily as he munched into his third pork trotter and whipped an in-bred servant that he had illegally imported from Tasmania. Being the crazy wild child that I was, I agreed and went ahead with running the competition.
After much deliberation, we drew a winner. And after even more procrastination, got off our arses and organised a jaunt of sorts to the nearest post office. Here, we were met with a few problems:
Whatever.
We walked around Surry Hills like a pair of hobos looking for a box. A man at the local fruit market shop thing was kind enough to give us a big broken one, which we had to repair ourselves.
Mr. Pencil sits on the floor of the post office, legs crossed, mending a box. This disrupts blood flow to his leg and later, he cannot walk.
Then we taped it up so that it would be all sturdy and stuff, bubble-wrapped our LocoRoco, and sent it off on its merry way.
We used TWO boxes and half a roll of tape. The package itself weighed as much as an emaciated child. OM NOM NOM NOM.
We were reprimanded three times by the post office man for taking photographs with our camera phones, and then they took my $85 from me.
ShMerker, your piñata should arrive in the post any day now. Please let us know once you have received it and, if possible, send us a photo. I hope you appreciate it. If you don’t, I swear I will cut you.
xx
Tracey
What the hell is this thing even meant to be? It's bullshit, that's what it is.
I had to quit because I couldn’t keep it up.
By age 12, my frenzied passion for Pokémon was out of control – I was waking up at 6:30am every morning to record the daily episodes on TV, memorising the names and order of every Pokémon through rap songs, and spending every waking moment playing Pokémon Red and Blue. I may as well have been married to the franchise. We were joined at the hip; each of us never letting the other out of our sight lest we miss a special moment together. I lived and breathed Pokémon, only realising that I had gone too far when I started writing letters to my friends made up entirely of Pikachu-speak.
So, I decided it had to stop. Like a relationship gone sour, I needed to get out of this world – this marriage – that I had spent more than two years of my life in; this world where all I could think about was catching little monsters, where all my money went towards collectible cards, and all my energy was being spent telling everyone I knew how much better my exhausting obsession was compared to theirs.
I got as far away from the monster as I could, replacing Red and Blue with Age of Empires and throwing out my home-made Team Rocket costume, keeping only my original decks of Pokémon cards that were still in their shrink wrap (they were going to support me in retirement). That was, of course, until Pokémon Platinum came out.
After a ten year hiatus from all things Pokémon, I found myself drawn back to it, like a Venomoth to the flame.
Continue reading ‘Pokémon, I Don’t Choose You!’
Notice how the "E" and the "3" are highlight in red? As in, you know, "E3"? ZOMG THAT ARE SO CLEVER. No, seriously. I'm impressed. Nice work, mangers.
Oh hey, it’s that time of the month again! Time to rub the blood of virgins all over evil villains to drain them of their super strength so that we can launch our rockets at them and extract revenge for the slaughter of our families! No, wait, that was Dynamite Warrior. Sorry, I get confused between Thai films and Hyper magazine.
Right, so the new Hyper is out really soon and I did a whole bunch of work for them. I stepped into the role of news editor and wrote their news, which was fun. “But Tracey,” you say, “How can games news in a magazine possibly be relevant, especially when we have the intertrons?” Yeah, I thought about that, especially since there’s no denying that anything a magazine can do, a blog or any website can do faster. But can a website do it better? Well, yes. And they usually do. So all I’m saying is that I tried to make the news in this month’s Hyper different by, you know, doing some journalism. I conducted interviews, followed up and confirmed quotes, and got in touch with original sources to get a slightly different take on things. This yielded some really awesome results!
You see, there was a story that was published somewhere about a certain percentage of gamers being “addicted” to videogames, and all the blogs and ‘news’ sites were picking it up and republishing the same thing over and over again. When I called up the source to confirm some quotes, he said he’d never mentioned anything about gaming addiction, and went on to say that the media that did report on the study he conducted either misquoted him or never bothered to fact check. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. But it did feel good knowing that I’d done my job properly.
“So, douche bag, what else did you do for this magazine?”
I’m glad you asked, faceless, nameless spirit of the web! I wrote some haikus expressing my thoughts on this year’s E3. Here is a sample:
So many updates
A bajillion blog posts
How much was real news?
You love that shit.
I also reviewed Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero? and Cooking Mama 2 because I am all man and enjoy playing hardcore games with guns set in post-apocalyptic environments. There’s also a neato roundtable discussion at the back of the mag where a few readers got to play Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood and talk about it, and I transcribed that bad boy. I transcribed it good. I think I would make an excellent secretary some day. That is, of course, if I ever develop the aspiration to be a secretary. Think of all the benefits! I’d get a desk, and a phone, and possibly free cups of tea!
Okay, you should go buy Hyper now.
I don't know who this child belongs to, but I fully endorse the expression on his face.
A few weeks ago I was linked to this blog entry on Insomnia. At first, I felt compelled to write a response to it, but so ridiculous was the article that I couldn’t come up with anything beyond “What. The. Hell?!”… because how exactly are you meant to respond to such irrational, misogynistic vitriol?
I was able to ignore it for the most part because it was all too crazy for me to take seriously, but it kept being brought up in conversations that I had with friends and other game writers. The people I spoke with all voiced their frustrations at the piece not so much because they disagreed with the ideas in Kierkegaard’s rant, but because he did it in a way that now makes it impossible for anyone to criticise a female game writer without being associated with his hideous diatribe.
There are valid criticisms to be made about everyone’s writing, and there are plenty that can be made about the writing of many of the women who work in the industry. Not everyone is going to like Leigh Alexander’s work; not everyone is going to be a fan of Tracey John, and there will be people who don’t like Nadia Oxford’s writing. There will be people who find me intolerable. I think all writers should be kept in check and be called out when they’re doing a particularly bad job, but Kierkegaard’s method isn’t the right way to do it. If anything, he has been completely counter-productive because now, anyone who has legitimate criticisms of well-known female writers like Leigh Alexander won’t be able to voice their thoughts without conjuring thoughts of Kierkegaard’s needlessly abusive and highly sexist opinion piece.
So that’s one small step forward for Insomnia in their page hits for this month, and one giant leap back for games writing. Thanks, dude. You’ve ruined it for everyone.
I had another stroke and now my face is stuck like that. Also, SCRUNCHIE!
Hey gang, I did another thing! Actually, I did several things. The first was a story for the Good Game 90s special, which went to air last week. For the story, I interviewed Dr. Rowan Tulloch from the University of NSW and the delightful Seamus Byrne, and it was intended to be a bit of a trip down memory lane, looking at what made the 90s so important for the gaming world and other significant cultural events that may have shaped gaming as we know it today.
To get into the spirit of things, I was given a scrunchie…to hold. You see, I had intended on wearing it in an outrageous side ponytail, but if Tropic Thunder has taught me anything, it’s that you should never go full-retard. When I’m in my default mode, I’m already fairly demented, so wearing a scrunchie would have only pushed me over the edge.
If you would like to watch that story, go here.
I will post more about the things I have done a bit later when I am no longer at work (this is a lunch-time blog post!).
I looked at the photos of the Big Sisters and thought to myself: "Hey, leg braces are pretty hot." BUT LEG BRACES ARE NOT HOT. They make you walk like you sharted yourself. Oh, videogames -- you are so deceptive.
Hey, it’s June! This means issue 189 of Hyper goes on sale on Wednesday, and it also means I have another thing appearing in print!
This month I reviewed Pokémon Platinum Version (ah, my Nintendo DS adventures continue!) and I’ll admit that when it was first given to me to review, I was a bit apprehensive. You see, I associate Pokémon with my childhood, and I’ve always found that when I revisit the things I liked as a kid, I realise what a stupid child I was. I mean, I used to buy Spice Girls photos. In the 90s, when they were all the rage, I’d fork out all my coins to buy those collectible photographs, and it wasn’t like they were particularly interesting or scandalous images, either. “Oh, here is a photograph from a photoshoot they did for an album cover”, “This photo is of Baby Spice eating a bagel”, etc. Honestly, what a retard.
So I was apprehensive about revisiting Pokémon because I had such fond memories of spending hours and hours playing Red and Blue on my computer (my brother managed to download them from somewhere — I think there may have been a Gameboy emulator involved), and I didn’t want to come to the possible realisation that the videogame of my childhood was actually a piece of shit.
Whatever. The game has been played, the review has been written, and I’ve come to a whole lot of other realisations, which I shant talk about here because they’re all in the review. So go and buy this month’s Hyper, kids. I think it comes with a free issue of PC Powerplay or something so, depending on how you feel about PCPP, you may or may not be getting a bargain.
And now I’m going to return to my (two) day((s) a week) job and fetch the mail.
